I am told, and I read, and I experience each day the fact that gifted children are VERY sensitive. Their sensitivities are at times almost hyper, acute, and painful to witness. They FEEL things more intensely, things hurt MORE, rejection cuts deeper, grief pins itself harsher, joy a bit broader, louder, or just more... They are perhaps a brighter shade of the same color, a more vibrant color, a deeper color....
When things are bright yellow, they are BRIGHT and light and brilliant, and when they are gray, they are like storm clouds rolling in over the waters, rich and deep, making you want to board up the house and pack away the glass.....
My mother is ill with Cancer... my mother is very close to my children. We made choices, my husband and I, to put family before academics, before their hungry minds... We chose to put their hungry souls, their need for meaning, purpose, belonging first, and let academics always come second.... So, our school week has made a point as my mothers health has deteriorated the last couple years to include one full day a week with just her. The diagnosis of cancer is new... but her health, has not been tip top for a while...
We have always tried to reach out to family, especially to those in the family who were reaching out to us... Some don't. Some are fairly busy in their own lives, their own worlds, their work, friends, schedules, we are not a priority to them, and that is OK... it really is. They can't all be a priority to me either. So, I choose those who reciprocate a bit, and don't go chasing after rainbows....
So my mother, she is close to them, and they to her. She is the storyteller, the magic weaver, the craftier, the baker, the laughter, movie watching, encouraging, always ready to hear their hearts, wanting to KNOW their achievements as well as their struggles grandmother, known only to them as Oma...
Now she is ill. We take her every third week to chemo, we pick her up. We visit each week, some weeks are good, some are not. This week she's been hospitalized, this week they've visited her everyday..
Perhaps its too much. Perhaps I should take a break. I know I am tired, worn down with all the quick meals, rushed lessons, driving everywhere....
But there is that grayness, that only lifts when they SEE her, and know it isn't worse than they imagined in their lay in bed time before drifting to sleep last night... There is that look on her face, of sadness that is gone as soon as she sees them! There is the Light that turns on for all of them when they are together, that makes me go back each day. Somehow they can't believe a phone call, they won't take my word for it... something in them is so afraid, so concerned, so in love with her, they simply must see,....
They have faith in God you see, not faith in Dr's or hospitals, and certainly not faith in cancer. It took too many they know already...
My daughter wants to find the Cure sitting on the bed just expecting it to go away NOW! My oldest son is withdrawing, and forgetful, and my youngest is loud, and emotional., very dramatic..
I am tired....
I am glad to not shelter them from this harsh reality, I am honored to shepherd them through it... frighting as it may be.
Somehow their brightness, sees more, understands more, and because of it, pat answers do not work, and so the comfort, the time, the space needs to be their. The prayers, the patience, the walking through this with no expectations of one another, is the most important... Because Cancer sucks, that IS a fact of life. And Love conquers all, if we just DO it, and LET it, and learn HOW....
still learning.....
No comments:
Post a Comment